Lethal Liaison
by MacabreDeity
Summary: He had no choice but to complete his mission proficiently. There was just one minor problem: she found out his secret. It was inevitable—to him it was extortion, but to her it was diplomacy. Deidara x Anko [DISCONTINUED]
1. The Art of Gambling

**Dev&Div: **Huzzah for the first collaboration story! This pairing is so underrated, so we decided to breathe some life into it! With a funny twist, of course. But, instead of thinking about an actual plot, we were more interested in making our MSN screens more red. Random crack-twists are to be expected.

**Disclaimer: **Naruto is owned by Masashi Kishimoto. All the copyrights associated with Naruto belong to him. Only the ideas contained within this story are the property of the authors. No profit is being earned by the writers of this story.

**Pairing: **Deidara x Mitarashi Anko.

**Rating: **Will go up as the story progresses. You know what that means.

**Summary: **He had no choice but to complete his mission proficiently. There was just one minor problem: she found out his secret. It was inevitable—to him it was extortion, but to her it was diplomacy. Deidara x Anko

_**Lethal: **__made to cause death, great harm or destruction._

_**Liaison: **__the contact or connection maintained by communications between organizations in order to ensure concerted action, cooperation, etc. Also: an illicit sexual relationship._

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**Lethal Liaison.**

_Written by: __xMacabreDeity & ScarletDivinity._

**Chapter I.**

Games involve risks; when you play a game you should be prepared to suffer a humiliating loss.

He was screwed.

He wasn't particularly adept at this game, nor did he have the experience. Instead, he should have listened to Sasori, who told him not to get involved, but he was just too stubborn to admit that he was actually bad at something.

Maybe it would be better to explain what Deidara had gotten himself into first.

The Akatsuki is a ruthless organization, and amongst its members are the most feared warriors of all countries. Despite their notorious, frightening reputations, one would have to wonder what they do in their leisure.

The answer could be derived from alcohol and poker. These individuals amused themselves with capricious bets, whether they were on missions or not.

The bomber was now eighteen years old, and he finally decided to test his luck against his fellow Akatsuki members in a game of poker.

Hidan leered at Deidara. They were sitting at a round table, each holding a set of cards in their hands. The tallest of them, Kisame, withdrew from his turn. Kakuzu did the same, not wanting to risk his money. This left the immortal and the bomber. Deidara had too much alcohol in his system, which was clouding his judgement, and Hidan was feeling lucky.

"What're you going to do?" the white-haired male taunted.

Deidara's lips drew into a slight scowl, his cerulean eye swiftly moving over his cards, trying to summon his clever wit. He had five cards of the same suit, which was called a Flush. Unbeknownst to him, Hidan had a similar set of cards. This meant a single card could make the difference.

Kisame grinned, revealing his gleaming jagged teeth. "We're not getting any younger here."

Kakuzu snorted. "Speak for yourself." His green glare shifted from Kisame to Deidara. "But my patience is limited."

Deidara jammed his back against the frame of the chair. He stared critically at Hidan's expression, trying to spot even the tiniest hint of insecurity. To his dismay, the chances of Hidan ever becoming insecure were about as likely as Deidara giving up his art.

"Fuck," he cursed. "There's no way you're bluffing."

Hidan laughed out loud. "You can still withdraw, y'know. There's no shame in that...pussy." The lavender-eyed man uttered the last word with condescending emphasis.

A haughty blond brow rose on Deidara's face. He was too proud and too stubborn to give Hidan the satisfaction of withdrawing. Inaudibly taking a deep breath, the blond slammed his cards on the table.

The corner of Hidan's lips gave a quirk—or a twitch. He couldn't tell the difference anymore. He lined up his cards. Deidara's highest number was a nine, and Hidan's highest number was...a ten.

The blue-eyed man let his forehead fall against the palm of his hand. "I should have known."

"Tough fucking luck," Hidan spat. "It's not that bad, you _are_ a blond after all."

Kisame and Kakuzu shook their heads at the youngest Akatsuki. They were both experienced enough to know when Hidan wasn't bluffing. Kakuzu asked, "Are you going to make a bet out of this?"

"We've run out of good bets," Kisame interjected, folding his massive arms over his chest.

Hidan's eyes narrowed thoughtfully. "And pass up an opportunity to make pretty boy suffer?" Suddenly it hit him. "Pretty boy..."

Deidara flinched almost instantly. "Don't even go there," he warned on a much sinister tone.

"Fuck, that's it! He could pass for a girl, right?" continued the immortal.

The zealous immortal sitting at his right nodded.

Kisame was puzzled. "What are you getting at?"

"Damn, you're slow," Hidan slurred after draining another glass of alcohol. "Which village is known for its hot springs?"

"Konoha," Kakuzu answered swiftly.

Hidan expanded, "And what is Konoha also known for?"

"Its library?" Kisame asked, finally realizing what Hidan was implying. "Wait, are you saying Deidara should retrieve our files from Konoha's archives? That's a boring bet."

The white-haired man rolled his eyes. "No, moron. That's the mission, but the bet is this: Deidara goes to Konoha disguised as a woman. He has to score a girl in three months."

Kakuzu wasn't impressed. "Pein won't approve."

Deidara immediately sided with Kakuzu. "Exactly, so forget it."

That's when Hidan's grin widened. "You know the rules, blondie."

Kisame's beady eyes locked on Deidara as well. "What if he loses the bet?"

"He has to praise Itachi," Hidan supplied. "Acknowledging that the Sharingan is better than his art."

It was a pity Deidara didn't have anything in his mouth, because he would've spit it in Hidan's face out of shock and malice. "Are you screwing with me? No way in hell!"

"It's been decided."

Deidara shot up, placing both hands on the table to lean forward and glare directly at the smug immortal. "I refuse."

"Even if you wriggle your way out of this one, you'll still have to hear what Pein has to say. If he allows it, then you won't have a fucking choice."

Nostrils flaring, Deidara attempted to grab Hidan's collar. Hidan simply backed up against his chair just enough so he was out of Deidara's reach. "I'm going to kill you!"

"Can't be done," Hidan said, shrugging mildly. "But feel free to try, pussy."

Deidara's fingers twitched and curled; in his head he envisioned himself strangling the white-haired immortal sitting across from him. Hidan looked all-too smug at that moment, with his arms crossed over his chest as he tipped his chair back, subconsciously balancing on the two rear legs. The blond's eye visibly twitched, his jaw set.

Reluctantly, the bomber stood to his full height, his chin inclined upward as his lips quirked into a chilling smile. He wasn't going to let go of his pride just yet. "Then we'll see what Pein has to say about this."

Hidan snapped his chin upward, his gaze locked onto Deidara's cerulean glare. "Better get going then, blondie. The clock's ticking." The immortal's lips curved into a grin, his white teeth gleaming. Hidan was just like a cat that had finally caught its prey—arrogant, haughty, and also sadistic.

With a snort, Deidara swiftly pivoted on his heel and graced the remaining Akatsuki with a devious smile, his teeth clenched tight. Hidan's snickers coincided with Deidara's confident swagger as he made his departure.

The blond kept his head held up high as the door slammed shut behind him, isolating him in the hallway. Once alone, Deidara's face had then smoothed and contorted, his features strained in disgust as he clenched his fists at his sides. It was as if he just sucked on a lemon and couldn't get the bitter taste off of his tongue.

Grunting, Deidara glared at the door behind him before treading down the hallway, musing over his available options. That is, if Pein allows him to go through with this bet, which he most certainly won't...Deidara hoped.

The bomber framed his chin with both his thumb and index finger, contemplating. He would soon have to think of some sort of revenge for the white-haired immortal—a bet that topped off all of the others, and something that would smack that damn smile off of his face.

A smirk curved the corners of Deidara's mouth as he schemed. The possibilities were endless.

The bomber continued to plot as he made his way towards Pein's office, his footing clumsy and his throat parched. He should have taken another swig of alcohol while he had the chance, much to his dismay. He would need it now that the doors to the office were in sight, though he refused to turn around to get another glass.

Once at the appropriate entrance, Deidara halted and frowned, glaring at the wall. He inhaled and rapped on the door twice, the sound barely audible to his own ears.

Pein's voice promptly responded. "Enter."

Deidara exhaled, proceeding to grab the metallic knob before swinging the door open. His pupils dilated in the minimal light as he stepped inside, closing the door behind him. The candle on Pein's desk flickered as the bomber approached, his eyes narrowed in distaste as he perched his hands on his hips.

Pein didn't look up to meet Deidara's gaze. He didn't speak, either. Deidara had never experienced a silence so tense before.

With a grunt, Deidara supplied, "I made a bet and lost. Hidan has a proposal."

Pein didn't sound surprised when he answered, "If it's not worth my time, leave. If it is, then you may proceed."

"Konoha has valuable files on Akatsuki in their archives," Deidara continued, his words unintentionally slurred together, "he wants me to infiltrate the village to get them."

"There's a catch," Pein deadpanned, the tip of his pen bleeding over the papers as he wrote. As a leader, he knew his own organization well. "What is it?"

"I have to be disguised as a woman," the bomber drawled, both his tone and posture remaining apathetic. "And I also have to score a girl in three months."

Pein stopped writing and finally met Deidara's gaze, his piercings reflecting the candlelight as his chin inclined, his features austere. The blond couldn't read what the man was thinking, but he knew what he was ultimately going to say.

The only thing that unnerved the bomber was how long it was taking Pein to reject his request.

"…Disguised as a woman, you say?" he finally replied. Deidara simply nodded, tucking his hands deep into his pockets so he wouldn't begin fumbling to relieve his stress.

Deidara was quick to say, "Let me guess, you think it's stupid, right? I'll go tell him that the bet is o—"

"I suppose you'll need to be disguised one way or another." Pein broke eye contact, his head dipping downward as he continued to write. Deidara froze.

"…Wait. You don't mean—"

"When will you be leaving?" Pein intervened. "I'd prefer to have this accomplished sooner rather than later."

The bomber's muscles locked into place, his eyes wide and his jaw slack. He was bewildered—no, he was _horrified_. His wits reeled as Pein's words sunk in, leaving him to stutter incoherent words until, finally, he snapped.

"Are you joking?" the blond demanded, his palms slamming onto the desk as he leaned forward, challenging Pein's authority. Silver and cyan gazes locked and narrowed, threatening the other as Deidara expanded, "This mission is absolutely pointless, why would—"

"Hidan brings up a valid point, Deidara." Pein placed the pen on his desk, his gaze holding the blond's as he laced his fingers underneath his chin. "We need those documents."

"Can't someone else go, then?" the blond argued, his fingers curling into tight fists. "I don't know where this library is! Make Itachi do it!"

"Deidara, I've made my decision. You'll leave tomorrow."

"But, I—"

"You're dismissed," Pein disclosed, narrowing his eyes further. When Deidara didn't move, he added, "Leave."

"There's no—"

Pein's voice deepened. "Now."

The bomber scowled, reluctantly standing to his full height as he clenched and unclenched his fists. Pein watched as Deidara spun around, his footsteps heavy as he exited the room with the abrupt slam of the office's doors.

Once in the hallway, the blond nearly tripped over the white-haired immortal, whom had his ear pressed up against the wall, his expression as smug as ever. After raising himself to his full height, Hidan towered over the angry Deidara, his teeth gleaming in a crooked smile.

"You're leaving tomorrow, huh?" The immortal snorted, his arms crossed over his chest. "Well, that leaves you with two months and twenty-nine days to get laid, Deidara-_chan_." Hidan purposefully emphasized the suffix added to Deidara's name, his lavender eyes glinting, daring the bomber to challenge him.

Deidara's jaw went taut. "Go ahead. Laugh."

Hidan's expression sobered a fraction. The bomber's eye was hard and unblinking, his voice stern and low. The immortal was intimidated for a second, but then another chortle bubbled up. "Damn straight I will."

Deidara marched past Hidan, into the corridor, then veered and vanished around a corner. Hidan was sure the blond held up his middle finger right before leaving. He laughed out loud again; Deidara was a sore loser.

As irony intended, it was Sasori he came across when he was on his way to his room. The puppet master was modifying his favourite puppet, Hiruko, and just so happened to be on his way out. Pale, haunting eyes met a very disgruntled cerulean gaze.

The red-haired man's lips curled into a cruel smile.

The bomber snarled, "So you've heard, hm?"

"I am truly disappointed." His words weren't earnest, and his voice was impassive.

Deidara waved a hand dismissively. "Whatever." His hand formed a fist, and he pounded it against the concrete wall. But even as angry energy filled him, he felt it leave as he remembered his humiliation of tonight. Then the embarrassment renewed his anger.

Sasori's glassy eyes narrowed. "You do realize that I am your partner, and by humiliating yourself you have indirectly humiliated me," he imparted.

At first Deidara didn't understand what Sasori was implying, but then it hit him. Literally. He was slammed into the wall he previously pounded. The air was knocked out of his lungs, and he let out a low rumble. He couldn't manage much more. He was defeated and tired. His lazy-lidded eye met Sasori's gaze, and the unspoken question hung between them.

The puppet master averted his eyes and ambled down the hall. "You were in my way."

Deidara took a deep breath and started to count to ten in his mind. He grimaced. Whoever said counting to ten was supposed to help should be punched in the face, just to see how he likes it.

Retreating in his room, the bomber shut the door with a loud _bang _that echoed throughout the entire Akatsuki base. They were all bastards, he thought bitterly. All of them.

Ready to collapse on his bed, he ended up pausing for an infinitesimal moment to regain his pride. He was stuck in this situation, and it was a terribly annoying situation, but he was a prodigy. An artist. Above all else, he never failed to complete his missions.

It was simple, really. All he had to do was alter his appearance, come up with an alias, seduce a random girl, and seize the files from Konoha's archives. All of this within three months.

Cynically he realized he was going to need more alcohol. With that in mind, he lowered himself on the bed and, with limbs sprawled lazily, he fell asleep.

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_Om nom feedback nom._

_Leave a review? :3 Any sort of feedback will be very much appreciated!_

_-Dev&Div_


	2. The Art of Deceit

**Dev&Div: **So apparently we're not as fast as we'd like to be, but we're working on it. And there shall be more Anko in the next chapter, promise!

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**Lethal Liaison.**

_Written by: MacabreDeity & ScarletDivinity._

**Chapter II.**

The wind howled ominously through the trees as the sun began to emerge at the horizon. Around the borders of the fire country, three Akatsuki were poised on a thick branch overhead, obscured by the canopy of leaves.

Deidara pressed his painted black fingernail against his cheek, making random dents below his cheekbone. His frustration was palpable to the other two Akatsuki; they could tell by his expression and posture. His eyes were glaring at everything they focused on, his lips were drawn into a tight scowl, and lastly his blond eyebrows were knitted together, forming wrinkles between his eyes to further darken them with shadows.

Sasori didn't bother to converse with him. He left that up to Konan. The puppet master had no intention of joining his partner in this ridiculous bet, but unfortunately he was obligated to see to Deidara's successful infiltration into Konohagakure. Luckily, the brat at least had some acute sensibility coupled with quickness of intellect which would ensure he would be quick on his feet in difficult situations if faced with them.

"You'll need this," the blue-haired Akatsuki said, holding up a red ribbon.

"What the hell am I supposed to do with that?" the bomber spat.

Konan kept her expression impassive. "Tie your hair."

He raised an eyebrow at her infuriatingly blunt demeanour. "What's wrong with my hair?"

She lowered her eyelashes, her piercing scintillating when it caught an orange ray of sunshine. "A braid will suit you better, if you intend to pass as a woman."

He let his forehead fall against his hand, his elbow propped up on his leg. He was sitting down, allowing Konan to fix up his appearance. "I don't do braids."

Konan finally sighed. "Would you like me to do it for you, then?"

Deidara waved his hand languidly, as if he was shooing her away. Konan gave a curt nod and stepped around him, ending up at his back, taking a handful of his hair which she began to braid after tying it with another red ribbon at the nape of his neck.

Konan separated Deidara's hair into five thick locks, weaving them together into one golden braid with languid movements of her fingers. The bomber's cerulean glare was narrowed towards the village lying ahead, watching the sunrise through the mountain's jagged crests as his arms folded across his chest.

Sasori gave the blond a sidelong glance, his features impassive and stone-like. "What's your name?"

A muscle tightened in Deidara's jaw. "I'm not in the mood for your humour."

The puppet master's eyebrow arched, his half lidded eyes focusing on the milky-white walls bordering Konohagakure. Based on Itachi's information, Deidara's infiltration should be fairly straightforward and simple; however, with the bomber's short temper and headstrong personality, Sasori was beginning to doubt the success rate of this bet. "My humour? That's hardly what I'm getting at." The redhead turned towards his partner, deadpanning, "Unless you're dense enough to use your real name for this mission."

Deidara's brows perked upward, though his scowl still pulled his lips back over his teeth. "I haven't thought of that."

Sasori grunted. "Obviously."

Cupping his chin between his thumb and index fingers, Deidara's downcast gaze focused on the wild grass below, his features masked by a thoughtful expression. A name? He only saw himself as one person: Deidara. He wasn't very fond of coming up with an alias for himself—being stripped of his pride apparently wasn't enough—but now the thought of losing his identity churned more of the blond's hatred toward the white-haired immortal.

Deidara's lips parted, having thought of a new name. "Arisu—"

"Reina," Sasori interjected.

The blond turned his head to face his superior, though Konan's grasp held firm and yanked his hair back. Hard. Deidara would have winced, but with his ego blown to smithereens, he didn't care enough to complain. "What?"

The puppet master's jaw went taut, his glassy eyes glaring at the bomber. "Don't make me repeat myself."

"Reina?" Deidara snorted, inclining his chin. An ill-assorted vocabulary came to mind when the blond considered his next words, but he refrained despite his unparalleled detest for that name. Instead, he commented, "That's too feminine."

"That was the point," Sasori deadpanned once again, his red brows furrowing. "You're supposed to be a girl, after all." His glossy eyes were more ghostly than usual, which emphasized Sasori's frustration.

Konan finally tied the red ribbon around Deidara's hair, completing the braid. "Pein expects you to be well on your way by midmorning," she said, stepping back, "You should go."

The bomber grunted, abandoning his Akatsuki cloak with his partner before making his way towards Konohagakure.

Konan glanced over at Sasori. "I suspect this won't end well," she admitted with indescribable frankness.

The puppet master agreed, acknowledging Konan's suspicions by meeting her gaze, his lifeless eyes reflecting her own darkening apricot-coloured ones. The blue-haired woman dispersed in a flurry of paper, and Sasori slunk back into the dappled shadows of the forest, knowing he would need to burn some time.

A whole whirlpool of various emotions struck Deidara as he neared the large red gates of Konoha. The two guards standing at either side of the gate watched him approach, straightening their posture instinctively.

"State your business, name, and occupation," the man on the right demanded, eyeing the blond with sharp, scrutinizing brown eyes.

"Special jounin transferring from Iwagakure, Reina, and formerly an academy teacher," Deidara whispered to disguise his voice. He was going to have to get used to using a more female tone. The very thought of having to speak in a high-pitched voice made him shudder with unbecoming vehemence.

"Your affiliation is with Iwagakure?" the guard on the left with the shaggy black hair inquired.

Deidara reached into the pocket of his pants to pull out a scroll signed by the Tsuchikage—not the actual Tsuchikage, of course; it was a falsification made by Uchiha Itachi, who could flawlessly copy handwriting with his Sharingan. Ironic how Deidara had to rely on that damned bloodline limit to safely get into Konoha.

"This confirms my transfer of affiliation," Deidara said bluntly, unrolling the scroll and holding it up for both guards to read over.

"Very well, you may pass. The Hokage's building is at the very end of the village, near the Kage summit," the guard with intimidating eyes informed.

Deidara passed them, feeling a rush of exhilaration. That was easier than he expected, and accidental rather than intentional.

The village was large, and much livelier than Iwagakure. Iwa was hidden between the tall mountains of the earth country, and to navigate through the village one would have to cross multiple bridges between buildings. Konoha was open and well-developed.

Absent-mindedly Deidara wondered what the fifth Hokage would be like.

Ambling down the streets of Konohagakure wasn't as dreadful as Deidara originally thought. He still wasn't amused by Hidan's sense of humour, though. Nevertheless, with the easy infiltration and the vacant streets stretched out before him, Deidara was beginning to feel smug. Thirty days to get Akatsuki's files and to score a girl? The bomber was confident that he could accomplish both tasks in half the amount of time he had been given.

He ran his fingers through his blond hair as he neared the Kage summit, the tips catching on the braid Konan wove at the nape of his neck. With an irritated grumble, the bomber freed his hands, and with his scroll firmly clamped in his grasp, climbed up the staircase weaving around the red building perched at the end of the village.

With purposeful movements, the blond silently entered the panelled hallways of the Hokage's offices. The building was completely silent and vacant. Deidara took a step forward and, while glancing both left and right, quickly sidestepped away from the door and meandered down the hallway. It wasn't as if he knew where the hell he was going, anyway.

Deidara froze dead in his tracks when he noticed the corridor he entered had a dead-end. He spun around. He was unaware of the person following in his tracks.

A feminine gasp chased away the silence when he came face to face with the girl he startled behind him, her pink hair falling to her shoulders when she jumped back to ensure some distance. "Sorry, I didn't mean to alarm you. You looked lost."

The bomber suppressed a snort. "A bit," he replied, trying to keep his voice high pitched but still toned. The girl's emerald eyes scanned him, and Deidara quickly scratched his cheek in an attempt to feign curiosity, adding, "I need to see the Hokage. My name is Reina; I'm transferring here from Iwagakure."

Sakura nodded, gesturing for the blond to follow her. "Tsunade's office is in the corridor on the right. I'll walk you there."

He watched her as she whirled around and determinedly led the way back to the end of the hall, where it was split into three corridors. Well, that explained why he couldn't figure out where the Hokage—Tsunade's—office was.

Feeling uncomfortable in the silence, Deidara shoved his hands in his pockets and stared at the walls. "Oh, I'm Haruno Sakura, by the way," she pointed out delicately. "I'm Tsunade's apprentice." Funny how she managed to catch the awkward vibe Deidara was giving off.

"Apprentice, eh?" Deidara echoed curiously.

She nodded, her pink hair swaying in rhythm. "Medical apprentice."

"A medic…" he mused. "You must be pretty good, then, as the Hokage's apprentice."

She threw him a cheeky smile. "I'd like to think so!"

"Is the Hokage solely a medic?" he inquired further, feeling more confident by the second.

Sakura's expression fell. A look of doom darkened her eyes. "Most definitely not," she answered. "Tsunade has inhuman strength, and a bad temper."

Goodbye, smugness.

"Great…" Deidara muttered mainly to himself.

"Hehe." Sakura laughed nervously as she reached for the doorknob that led to Tsunade's office. When she opened it, Deidara was faced with a woman holding a pig in her arms. Her hair was short, black, and slightly wavy.

She looked at Sakura first, then at the blond who was merely two centimetres shorter than her. "Oh, hello." Her obsidian orbs smouldered with kindness when she smiled. This was the infamous Tsunade? She looked very gentle, actually. Maybe her looks were just deceiving? "Don't run off, Tonton." The black-haired woman placed the pig named Tonton on the ground after Sakura shut the door. The pig made an _oink _sound in response.

Deidara unintentionally grinned wolfishly. He hid it by making a bow, his hair falling over his face. "Nice to meet you."

The black-haired woman blinked, and then made a slight bow with her head too.

"This is Reina," Sakura informed. "She's here to change her residence and affiliation."

"Oh, I see," the woman petting the pig replied. "I'm Shizune, Tsunade's assistant."

_Assistant?_ He inwardly repeated. Then who the fuck was Tsunade? Deidara was beginning to get frustrated, and it showed on his expression. The corners of his lips threatened to curl into a scowl.

Unexpectedly, a blonde woman brushed past him, completely ignoring him. "I need a painkiller," she muttered, rubbing her aching temples. Deidara could only stare as the beautiful blonde got settled behind the wooden desk and propped her elbow on the surface, her chin falling on her palm. "And you are?" she asked as her brown eyes locked on his blue ones.

His mind went blank, because his eyes had been focused on something else entirely.

She had _massive _breasts. He could clearly see her cleavage between the grass-green robe she wore.

For an infinitesimal moment he considered seducing the Hokage and catching two birds with one stone. But somehow this felt more like self-destruction, so he inwardly brushed it aside.

"Reina," he managed to answer without stuttering. He really had to stop staring at her cleavage before the lighter blonde caught his stare and figured him out—that, or proclaim him a lesbian. He wasn't sure which would be worse, and he wasn't eager to find out either. Degenerated into deadness and formality, he supplied, "I'm from Iwagakure, transferring to Konohagakure."

Tsunade held out her left hand blindly, and Shizune came back with an oval pill, presumably a pain killer. She then placed a glass of water on Tsunade's desk.

"Well then," the Hokage mumbled, looking down at the files on her desk. "I'll have some paperwork to do." There was a note of resentment in her tone. She raised her brown eyes to gaze at Sakura. "Anything you need, Sakura?"

The pink-haired girl shook her head. "No, I helped Reina find her way to your office."

"Thank you. I'll see you tomorrow morning." Tsunade waved a dismissive hand whilst draining the glass of water. Sakura got the hint, bowed, and left the chamber. The glass managed to bump against Tsunade's teeth, and it _tinged _softly.

Deidara quickly noted how cranky the woman seemed. Moreover, she looked like she was suffering from a hangover, which didn't bode well for him.

"Hand me the scroll," she demanded, placing the empty glass on her desk and holding out her flat hand. Deidara nodded swiftly, taking out the scroll Itachi forged, handing it over to Tsunade.

He felt a shudder of exhilaration when she opened it. In the back of his head, he had this unwelcome fear that she might figure it was a false document. He would be in so much trouble if that happened.

"You're a jounin," Tsunade read out loud. "And your specialty is explosions. Typical Iwagakure. Earth-natured, blood-type AB, long-range battles…"

Deidara instinctively hid his hands behind his back. He bandaged up the mouths on his hands, a direct result of the Kinjutsu he stole from Iwagakure, which would give him away instantly if they were visible. He couldn't risk that.

"You're useful," she decided. "But I'll need some time to think over what would be the most suitable occupation for you. For now, you may start wearing the traditional Konoha clothing for elite ninja."

"Thank you," Deidara answered quietly, forcing a smile.

"Also, you'll have to start looking for an apartment, if you haven't already. This may take some time, and I'll need to contact the Tsuchikage to confirm your transfer."

Deidara's heart pounded against his ribcage, so he slowed his breathing, trying to gain control of his nerves. Sasori better not fuck this up. Diffidence overwhelmed the blond, but he suppressed his emotions.

Shizune unexpectedly threw him a reassuring smile. "It'll take a few days to fully register you, but don't worry."

Deidara gave a nod, unable to speak because he feared he couldn't conceal his masculine voice this time. The woman with a violet rhombus on her forehead intimidated him, seeing as she had the ability to crush his infiltration mission if she deemed him too suspicious.

"I'll ensure your liaison between Konohagakure and Iwagakure." Tsunade sank back against her chair when she finished writing in the scroll meant for the Tsuchikage. "Well, that'll be all. You are dismissed until further notice."

As he left, the blond noticed the large brown bird which Tsunade tied the scroll to. Eyes narrowing to shards, he stepped over the threshold and disappeared from sight.

At the outskirts of Konoha, Sasori gazed up at the sky, hearing the fluttering of a bird's wings approaching him. Raising his arms, he extended his chakra strings towards the brown creature, ensnaring it. He forced it towards him, snatching it by its torso, and undoing the scroll tied to it.

The bird tried to struggle against Sasori's hold, going as far as to peck him repeatedly in the fingers.

The puppet master smirked devilishly, his eyes glazing over. "I'm afraid I can't feel that." He tucked the scroll behind his cloak and pivoted to leap up onto a higher branch and continue travelling back to the Akatsuki in order to bring the scroll to Itachi so he could forge another response from the Tsuchikage. He'd bring the bird with him as well, since they needed it to stay alive.

The bird continued to peck at his wooden fingers in vain for the rest of the day.

Meanwhile, Deidara was strolling leisurely through the streets of Konoha, wondering if he should find a job first or try to get an apartment. He decided he had enough money to rent an apartment, so he set out to find a cheap one.

**-[Lethal]x[Liaison]-  
**

Four hours later, and he still hadn't found a suitable apartment to rent. He would have to buy one, but that would seriously kill his budget. Plus, there was no need for him to buy one since he was only going to be in Konohagakure for three months if all went well.

He'd decided to give up on his search and eat at the nearest restaurant. While the village was easy to navigate and had a lively population, it was also incredibly hard to get an apartment to rent because many people were hunting for one.

Sighing, he continued to eat the boiled eggs in the surimi he ordered—or as he liked to call it: Bakudan.

"Are you Reina?"

The question caught him off guard, and Deidara almost felt inclined to snap back with, "What's it to you?" but managed to refrain. Instead, he turned around and smiled, the corners of his mouth twitching. "Why yes, yes I am."

The first thing Deidara noticed was a scar on his nose that extended all the way to his cheekbones. His eyes were dark and his brown hair was tied in a high ponytail. A tint of pink spread across his cheeks when their eyes met. His pupils dilated.

Deidara knew that look. He thought "_she_" was pretty.

"Tsunade asked me to bring you this," he said after clearing his throat. He handed her an outfit, which appeared similar to his own. A folded green vest and dark blue clothing with a forehead protector lying on top.

Deidara hesitantly took it from him, and expected him to continue talking. The blond had a feeling he would.

"Did you get an apartment yet, by the way?" the brunette male asked.

"I've been looking to rent one, but no such luck," Deidara answered.

The brunette folded his arms. "Well, I could probably help you find one, if you'd like."

Now the bomber was interested. "Really? You would?" He inwardly gagged at how cute and helpless he sounded, but he could really use all the help he could get.

"Of course," the brunette answered confidently, grinning. "I know my way around."

Deidara gave only the lightest smile. "Thank you very much."

"I'm Iruka, by the way. I teach at the academy."

The blond held out his bandaged hand. "Reina, as you know. I used to teach at the academy in Iwagakure."

Iruka shook Reina's hand, curiosity taking over. "Ah, so you like kids too?"

_Fuck no, _the bomber inwardly retorted.

"Yes, it's important to teach the next generation everything they need to know to survive." Deidara was quite proud of his speech, which he made up on the spot.

"I agree! It's a very rewarding job," Iruka exclaimed. "Well, I'd ask you to grab a bite to eat with me, but you've already ate, I see. How about another time, then?"

On one hand, Deidara mentally groused, _bite me. _On the other hand, free food. He was feeling particularly devious, so he answered sweetly, "I'd love to."

"Great! I'll see if I can help you out with your apartment, and we can meet up later tonight at the ramen stall. You know where it is, right?"

Deidara hesitated. He had no idea, but there was no way he'd ask for directions. "I think I do." The bomber's hand instinctively went up to his throat, making sure the red leather choker was still wrapped firmly around it. It served to hide his Adam's apple, another prominently male feature.

"All right, see you then." The brunette's hands went into the pockets of his vest as gave a lop-sided grin, and then he turned and left the restaurant.

Deidara let out a relieved sigh when Iruka was finally gone. His only solace was Hidan's absence. Had the immortal been here, Deidara would never be able to live down getting asked out for dinner with another guy.

And he had yet to meet a girl worth seducing. But at least he would get an apartment out of it, thanks to Iruka.

He caught his reflection in the only mirror inside the restaurant, hanging next to another dining table on his left. The thick line of black kohl around his eyes definitely made those cerulean depths stand out, and his golden blond hair was intricately braided, reaching all the way to his lower back where it was tied by a red ribbon. His bangs remained the same, though they were more equally divided to cover up his masculine cheekbones instead of his eyes.

Fake breasts, a red leather choker, and bandages made the biggest difference in his appearance.

The bomber was definitely a master of androgyny, which would serve him well in winning over a girl, whilst infiltrating Konoha in order to obtain all the files on the Akatsuki and return them to Pein. Additionally, he'd probably do well on gathering information on some of Konoha's elite ninja. It would definitely serve him well to provide Pein with valuable information, not to mention give him something to throw in Hidan's face.

Payback's a bitch.

* * *

_Aside from getting a new updating schedule, any feedback? :D_


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